Petition for a PAL Version of NKOTB’s “Popsicle” Named “Pop Corn”

I made a mistake in the “Nashville’s Journal: The Sixth New Kid Throws Pop Corn“, and I am a little bit sad. My ADHD brain (which has wiiiings!) created high expectations for my sex life and now I feel… I feel I should explain what we’re talking about first: Joey McIntyre and his outstanding ability to make Pop Corn pop.

Errata

During the Mixtape Tour concert in Nashville, Joey McIntyre made us book an appointment with a cardiologist and start being truly careful that no one is around during our “special naps.”

Here’s what happened:

Why did I make a mistake? Because what I saw, as I was booking an appointment with a cardiologist, was “the sixth New Kid” (that thing that lives between Joey’s legs) “expelling” pop corn.

And I thought (here’s the ADHD part), “How cool it would be! Could other men do that? It wouldn’t be such an issue any more to ask how it tastes! Salty or sweet; that would be all. How-awesome… And OMG, does Donnie’s throw confetti?!?”

How I Found Out About What Really Happened

Joey McIntyre on Instagram. Nov 1, 2014

Excited like a kid in a candy store, I started googling for a Margarita outfit because, you know, Joey likes margaritas and I thought that maybe I could get a lick; which, by the way, is what we get with the song Popsicle; which! by the way, is quite disturbing if you think that we were under age when we started listening to it.

At that age, I must add, I thought women would get pregnant after kissing a man. Why? Thank goodness you asked. Because in the “novelas”, I used to watch the leading lady kissing a man and then boom, she was pregnant. I stopped watching “novelas” when I discovered their misleading message. Oversharing; sorry; let’s continue…

Since I couldn’t find a Margarita outfit, I opened Twitter and saw someone had had a better idea.

I kept scrolling through BHs comments, and then I saw the truth: as it turns out, the sixth New Kid wasn’t expelling pop corn; its owner, and proficient manager, was in fact making love to it. Hard.

…So, no Pop Corn from penises…

Laly And the Proper Use of the English Language

Last night Joey McIntyre made an statement regarding the sixth New Kid’s behavior:

  • Joey McIntyre, IG Stories, 5/16/22

Two things worry me about this statement. First, the use of the word “violating”. The dictionary defines “violate” as “to treat (something sacred) with irreverence or disrespect.”

So, please reflect with me: Is Pop Corn sacred?

Has the Pop Corn been treated with irreverence or disrespect?

“No; it literally popped higher.”

The second thing that worries me is that if Joey doesn’t find a Pop Corn bucket, he’ll find something else…

… or “someone”…

  • Joey McIntyre, IG Stories, 5/16/22

Wrapping It Up

The right of free expression on the stage should be, must be guaranteed for all New Kids during their performances; creativity must be encouraged. We save for months and travel miles to attend NKOTB’s concerts; we deserve this; for the boost of our serotonin slash dopamine… and, you know, our special naps.

Thank you for reading.

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